Steering the ship

OK.  So.  Parenting is a tough job.  I think we can all agree on that.  It takes all of your energy and time and braincells.  At least it does mine.  It takes forethought - what is your philosophy going to be?  Are you a regimented-time-scheduled parent?  Are you a go-with-the-flow-whatever parent?  Are you somewhere in between?  Most of us would classify ourselves as somewhere in between. 

I think I'm a "steer-the-ship" parent. (my totally  made-up term)  Jason and I set our philosphy in motion and let the ship go.  However, when we see a giant rock, a waterfall, or a serious rapid...then it's time to get all hands on deck and steer the ship.  We want to avoid that disaster and steer around it. 

I think we lean a little more toward the "go-with-the-flow" side of things.  We don't sit down and have math lessons with our kids, but we talk about adding things together, counting things, or money things all the time.  Usually we have good conversations about this stuff in the car.  We don't require our kids to have any formal sit-down learning (except school homework), however, when a question is asked...we do our very best to answer it.  We explain what we know or I will look it up on the internet.  We have a routine:  bed times at 8:30...up by 7:20 (for the older kids).  They help with some chores, but we haven't implemented a chore chart...yet.  We require them to clean their rooms and pick up toys and put their plates away.  They randomly help with other chores - voluntarily or when we ask. 

Well...when January began, I was observing Austin and decided it was time to make some changes.  Nothing major was happening, but I was noticing little attitude changes and responses to me that I did not like.  He seemed distant and slow in his obedience. He gets to play the Wii whenever Samantha naps on Mon, Wed, and Fri.  I knew we needed to add some structure to that.  So I put a few "you have to do this first" things in before he got to play (like get dressed, look at one book, and pick up toys in the living room.)  It was step 1.

Things still were bothering me.  I've been praying about the specific video games, the amount of time spent on them, and the attitudes resulting.  Let's face it...there are 100 different philosphies about electronics.  There are many benifits and many negatives resulting.  I read a great article in a magazine this week talking about great apps that benefit kids in all sorts of ways.  Of course there are many warnings out there against too many hours spent resulting in low attention spans, overweight kids, addiction to electronics, and violent behavior.  All good points.

I am thankful we have a God who listens and answers.  God answered my prayers.  The Wii stopped working right 2 weeks ago.  That's right....it broke.  If that's not a clear answer for this moment in time...I don't know what is.  I have been really focusing on the fact that I have Austin for only a few more months all to myself and then he's off to school for the next 17+ years! 

So...I'm back to steering the ship.  No games on the Wii for now.  More board games, more outside time, more learning to read moments, more conversations, more play-do, more water colors, and more fort building with mom.  I love my boy and in the last 4 weeks I have seen improvements in the attitude area.  I am thankful that God guides us and also blatantly shows us what to do sometimes. 

Jasmine has her moments too.  She has been second guessing me lately.  It's a bit of... "are you sure?"  "did you really mean I could do this?" or asking me the same thing 3 times in a row making sure she has permission.  It's not a big deal really...but looking at it there is either a lack of trust or a disrespect that's developing.  So...we have to reign it in quickly.  I've begun to push back with things like:

"trust me Jasmine.  I'm your mom and I know what I'm talking about." 
"when I give you an answer, don't ask it again and again.  I mean what I say."
"Not believing me is disrespecting me as your parent.  You need to trust me."

I have to re-establish my authority in a loving way.  It's important to re-focus her and re-establish our relationship.  It's intentional - - and yet done with lots of love.

Here's to steering the ship around a few rocks this month.  Praying for guidance from our Father who listens and loves us more than we could know.  I am thankful when He shows himself to us for some encouragement.